Why Growth Doesn’t Feel Like Growth (Until It Does)
Understanding why we feel stuck even when we’re evolving, and how long-term transitions shape who we become.
“I don’t want to waste my life. I want to feel I’m progressing.”
Those words hit me like a thunderclap.
I was in the middle of a deep, vulnerable conversation with a client when he said it, not as a complaint, but as a confession. A truth dropped like a stone into still water. And the ripples reached me instantly.
Because I’ve been there too.
The Hunger That Arrives Quietly (Usually Around Our Mid-30s)
Somewhere around 35, something in me shifted.
A kind of inner restlessness.
A craving to evolve.
To wake up to parts of myself I had conveniently avoided.
Books. Seminars. Workshops. Retreats.
If it promised growth, I was there.
But here’s the paradox no one talks about:
The more I learned, the less fulfilled I felt.
And this isn’t just personal, it’s biological.
Research in neuroscience shows that the brain’s reward system adapts rapidly to achieved goals, causing a drop in the sense of satisfaction even when progress is real (Kringelbach & Berridge, 2017). This “hedonic adaptation” makes growth feel invisible.
Meaning:
You may be evolving, but your brain is already onto the next “need.”
The Older I Get, the Less I Know (And That’s a Good Thing)
Now in my 50s, I’m more aware than ever of how vast the unknown is.
Descartes said it perfectly:
“I would give everything I know for half of what I ignore.”
With time, one truth has settled deeply:
Growth is not linear.
It’s cyclical. Chaotic. Rhythmic.
Progress → setback → confusion → clarity → repeat.
William Bridges’ Transition Model (2004) supports this: every life transition moves through three phases:
Ending, Neutral Zone, New Beginning.
The “messy middle” often feels like stagnation, but it is where transformation incubates.
Zoom out far enough, and what once looked like chaos reveals itself as evolution.
Measuring Life the Wrong Way
For years, every birthday came with a ritual:
Review achievements, evaluate progress, inspect the checklist.
And every year, I felt inadequate.
Until I found this quote by Bill Gates:
“Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten.”
That line cracked something open in me.
When I zoomed out and looked at the past decade (the changes, the transitions, the inner battles, the new directions) one truth became undeniable:
I had grown.
I had changed.
I had crossed thresholds I once thought unreachable.
Graceful transitions.
Messy transitions.
Unexpected transitions.
All meaningful.
Maybe the goal was never arrival.
Maybe the goal was movement.
Maybe life is a long transition. A continuous becoming.
Three Takeaways to Anchor Your Journey
1. Growth feels slow because your brain normalizes progress.
Your reward system adapts quickly, masking the feeling of improvement.
2. Stop measuring your life in 12-month cycles.
Real transformation reveals itself over years, or better yet, decades.
3. Transitions aren’t failures or delays.
They are the path. They shape your identity and resilience.
Final Inspiration
“We become who we are not by racing toward the future, but by understanding the rhythm of our own becoming.”
If you’re navigating a personal or professional transition and want guidance to turn uncertainty into evolution, I can help.
👉 Point Zero Coaching: my 1:1 program for leaders and professionals ready to reset, refocus, and redefine their next chapter.
👉 Peak Transformation Program: for teams who want to deepen presence, emotional resilience, and impact during times of change.
Your next decade begins now.
Let’s shape it intentionally.
Keywords: personal growth is not linear, life transitions psychology, career transitiont, why growth feels slow, growth mindset, leadership development, leadership presence, burnout recovery, imposter syndrome, emotional resilience, personal evolution journey, midlife transformation, Peak Resilience coaching
